Okanagan Panorama

Why do I find it hard to communicate properly?

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As originally answered on Quora.com...

Disclaimer: I have Aspergers and ADHD.

I approached a girl at a party last night. I initiated conversation with her, but there were frequent awkward pauses. You see whenever she responded to my questions; my mind would go blank, I would reply “okay”. Also, I was drunk as well. What is wrong with me?


Addressing your last question first “What is wrong with me?” Short answer … ‘nothing is wrong with you!” Your brain is just wired a little different than others. That doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong. However, it does present challenges that others don’t face in life.

Your opening question asks “Why do I find it hard to communicate properly?” Your Disclaimer provides your own answer. If you are looking for a cause for your difficulty communicating properly, combined with consuming alcohol, you have likely found it.

Social communication requires skill development. Alcohol, while in many cases decreasing inhibitions around social phobia, also impairs the ability to interact in a meaningful way.

Give yourself credit where it is due. You have taken a big step by engaging a girl in conversation and then questioning ‘how can I do this better?’

You provide that you have Asperger’s and ADHD. I’ve known many people with this combination but don’t consider myself an expert. I’m assuming that you are knowledgeable on both. Perhaps researching the subject of interpersonal & communication skills development, from the perspective of your diagnosis might be helpful in developing a personal plan to move forward.

One of the challenges facing those with Asperger’s is that they are not aware of many of the social clues and nuances that we use in every day communication. Having a mentor to work with you may be of benefit.

Thanks for your question!

Rae Stonehouse

Author Bio:

Rae A. Stonehouse is a Canadian born author & speaker. His professional career as a Registered Nurse working predominantly in psychiatry/mental health, has spanned four decades.

Rae has embraced the principal of CANI (Constant and Never-ending Improvement) as promoted by thought leaders such as Tony Robbins and brings that philosophy to each of his publications and presentations.

Rae has dedicated the latter segment of his journey through life to overcoming his personal inhibitions. As a 27+ year member of Toastmasters International he has systematically built his self-confidence and communicating ability. He is passionate about sharing his lessons with his readers and listeners. His publications thus far are of the personal/professional self-help, self-improvement genre and systematically offer valuable sage advice on a specific topic.

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