Okanagan Panorama

Do you forgive all those who have hurt you?

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As originally answered on Quora.com ...

Short answer: “No!”


Slightly longer answer: Life is too short to spend that much time forgiving the masses of people that have hurt me.


As we journey through life we are likely hurt by countless numbers of people. The fact that we have been hurt, doesn’t necessarily mean that the other individual actually meant to hurt us. Or perhaps they did!


Being hurt, is a subjective response on our part. We may not do in consciously, our subconscious mind does it automatically to protect our conscious mind.

Depending on how sensitive one is, every slight and innuendo can be hurtful. I have been sensitive throughout my life.  I can remember my mother saying to me when I was hurt “sticks & stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt you!” My father’s advice was “carry a lot of stones!”


There is another cliché that says “time heals all wounds.”  The problem can be that our wounds have a cumulative effect and are not easily healable. When one wound builds upon another, the passing of time doesn’t do us any favours.


I have learned that there are different degrees of hurt. Some are intended, some intentional. What makes the difference though is how I respond to them. I have learned to ask questions when I get my ‘nose out of joint.”

  • Am I reading this situation correctly?
  • Was there actually an attempt to hurt me?
  • What was their intent?
  • Could I actually be in the wrong in this situation?
  • How do I choose to respond to this hurt?
  • Will this matter in a year, two years … five years?

I’m aware that lesser degrees of hurt will fade in time. Sure, if I think of the situations, I’m likely to relive them  and the feelings that I had at the time. That isn’t very helpful. It can be very much like PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I would rather avoid reliving them.


Now as for actual forgiveness,  I have expanded upon the subject in How do I forgive my mother for hurting me repeatedly, when she doesn't think it was wrong?


The main idea behind the act of forgiveness is that it is all about you. It doesn’t mean that you forget the hurt the other person has caused you. It doesn’t mean that you justify what they have done or condone it. It means that you are taking the sting out of the control that their behavour towards you is causing you.


Forgiveness can be like putting all of your hurt into a helium-filled balloon, and letting it rise rapidly and float off into the distance. I have forgiven several individuals in my life. They no longer have control over me. That doesn’t mean that I have forgotten the incidents.


I like to learn from every situation, especially the ones that I have found to be hurtful. One reason being that I don’t want to experience it again and equally important is so that I can prevent somebody else experiencing what I have.


Thanks for your question!

Rae Stonehouse

Author Bio:

Rae A. Stonehouse is a Canadian born author & speaker. His professional career as a Registered Nurse working predominantly in psychiatry/mental health, has spanned four decades.

Rae has embraced the principal of CANI (Constant and Never-ending Improvement) as promoted by thought leaders such as Tony Robbins and brings that philosophy to each of his publications and presentations.

Rae has dedicated the latter segment of his journey through life to overcoming his personal inhibitions. As a 27+ year member of Toastmasters International he has systematically built his self-confidence and communicating ability. He is passionate about sharing his lessons with his readers and listeners. His publications thus far are of the personal/professional self-help, self-improvement genre and systematically offer valuable sage advice on a specific topic.

His writing style can be described as being conversational. As an author Rae strives to have a one-to-one conversation with each of his readers, very much like having your own personal self-development coach. Rae is known for having a wry sense of humour that features in his publications.


Author of Self-Help Downloadable E-Books, paperbacks and on-line courses:


Power Networking for Shy PeoplePower Networking for Shy People: How to Network Like a Pro

52 Power Networking Tips: How to Network Like a Pro

PROtect Yourself Now!PROtect Yourself Now! Violence Prevention for Healthcare Workers

The Savvy Emcee: How to be a Dynamic Master of Ceremonies.

Power of Promotion: On-line Marketing for Toastmasters Club Growth

You're Hired! Job Search Strategies That Work: Available as an easily downloadable e-book or as an on-line e-course.

You're Hired! Resume Tactics: Job Search Strategies That Work

Job Interview Preparation: Job Search Strategies That Work

Leveraging Your Network: Job Search Strategies That Work

You're Hired! Power Tactics: Job Search Strategies That Work

You're Hired! Job Searching Success Tips List

Working With Words: Adding Life to Your Oral Presentations

Blow Your Own Horn! Personal Branding for Business Professionals

Make it Safe! A Family Caregiver's Home Safety Assessment Guide for Supporting Elders@Home


Phone Rae 250-451-6564 or info@raestonehouse.com

Rae’s social … are you?

Twitter: http://twitter.com/RaeStonehousehttp://twitter.com/RaeStonehouse

Linkedin? Rae is http://www.linkedin.com/in/raestonehousehttp://www.linkedin.com/in/raestonehouse

Copyright 2018- 2021 Rae A. Stonehouse.

The above document may be freely copied and distributed as long as the author’s name and contact info remain attached.


To learn more about Rae A. Stonehouse, visit the Wonderful World of Rae Stonehouse at https://raestonehouse.com.